


He's Not Her

by CabageCat (CarnageKittie)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, M/M, brief mentions of sex, past chexas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:10:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2189469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarnageKittie/pseuds/CabageCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard still loves Allison after she's left him. Michael reminds him of her and Leonard decides to use that to his advantage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Not Her

Allison was gone. She was gone and honestly, Leonard didn't think she was coming back this time. No, he knew she wasn't going to come back, she had said so herself. He needed to move on and he knew it, but he just couldn't. He couldn't get her wheat colored hair or her dark eyes, that in the right light had little bits of gold in them, out of his head. 

When Leonard first saw Michael his heart hurt and his head screamed 'Allison!' But no, the hair was too messy, too short, too curly. The stature too tall, too muscular, too male. Michael was too clingy and loud, but still he reminded Leonard of her. The colors are what got him. How could their hair be the same color? How was it that their eyes were the same, flecks of gold and all? Leonard decided it was the universe's way of fucking with him.

At first he tried pushing the younger man away, berating and yelling at him. He thought he would be sensitive enough to leave. The attempts did not deter Michael from his quest of becoming Leonard's best friend, so eventually, Leonard just let it happen.

Leonard's heart still ached whenever he would look up at Michael. Sometimes he saw far too much of Allison in him. They had similar smiles, both made his heart melt a little, though, with Michael the ache tagged along with the melting. As time went on with Michael around he got used to it, or he tried to. 

It was hard not to pull Michael into a tight hug or give him a kiss when he smiled at Leonard. It was hard not to love him, not to love Allison. Soon it became too much for him to be around Michael without doing those things. He slipped and kissed Michael under the stars when he ran up to him with a jar full of fireflies, just as a child would, his face lit up with a large smile. Leonard kissed him again and again for Allison, and soon for enough, when the giggles had gotten to him, he was kissing him for Michael.

Leonard kissed Michael in the dark for a long time. Michael didn't mind, he was just happy to be able to kiss Leonard, who he had fallen for along the way. Leonard kissed him in the dark in hopes that if he thought hard enough he could pretend Michael was Allison. It did not work. Michael's kisses were enthusiastic, sloppy, loving. Hers were slow, fiery, stiff. He kissed Michael in the dark in hopes that he would convince himself to love Allison again and not Michael.

The first time they had sex Leonard cried. He cried because Michael was not her. He cried because Michael was so different from her in more ways than just his anatomy. Michael cried with Leonard because he thought he had done something wrong. They pulled their clothes back on and cried into each other, Michael apologizing the entire time. Leonard soon stopped crying for Allison and began crying for Michael. He cried because sweet, sweet Michael did not deserve this. He did not deserve to be Allison's replacement.

Michael was far more kind than Allison. He often gave Leonard gifts for no reason, buying him things just because they reminded him of the older man. The apartment they now shared always had to have flowers on the small dining room table because Michael thought that Leonard always needed to feel special, especially because he cried and yelled so much about things Michael didn't understand. Leonard cried, now away from the man that reminded him so much of Allison and made him forget about her at the same time, because he did not deserve someone as kind as Michael.

Michael cried a lot more than Allison. He cried because of nightmares and sometimes when Leonard yelled at him. He cried during movies and when he would listen to the sad parts of his books. He wasn't anything like Allison. He wasn't anything like her and yet Michael still reminded him of her. 

Leonard called Michael by her name a lot. The first time Michael was confused.

“Oh, Church,” even what Michael called him was different from her, “that is not my name.” Michael said the words with a confused smile.

Leonard just shook his head, “I know, Caboo, I know.”

The pet name made Michael grin and giggle, forgetting about the mistake. Michael loved receiving pet names from Leonard. Allison would have punched him.

Leonard called Michael Allison far more than he should have. When he was laughing so hard he couldn't think the name would slip right out of his mouth. When Michael would wrap his arms around Leonard from behind, tucking his head to fit between his shoulder blades, as he made them dinner. He made the mistake of calling him Allison during sex more than once. Michael would just frown when they were laughing, bury his face in Leonard's back, shoulders, chest, anything he could to avoid looking at Leonard after those awkward moments.

As time went on Michael grew more and more upset whenever Leonard would call him the wrong name. Slowly, he deduced that Allison was someone important to Leonard, but he did not understand why he was called by her name. He asked Leonard about her one day and he just got angry at Michael. Leonard yelled at him and told him that he could never be like her so it didn't matter. Michael cried because he wasn't Allison and he didn't make Leonard happy by being Michael.

As time went on the gifts from Michael became fewer and further between. There were no longer flowers on their little dining room table. Michael smiled and laughed less. He hardly looked at Leonard and ended up sleeping on their couch. He didn't want to bother Leonard, after all. Michael was home less and less, often spending time with Franklin, David, or even Lavernius. Anything to try and make Leonard happy.

Leonard's heart hurt all over again. Watching Michael drift so far away from him but still staying close hurt more than Allison leaving ever could. Michael did not deserve any of this and Leonard wanted to fix it so badly. He knew he had to start by loving Michael more.

Leonard bought him flowers. He bought him the prettiest blue bouquet he could find. He set them out on the table before Michael got home. Leonard prepared Michael's favorite dinner and brought out his favorite movie, letting the menu play over and over so Michael would see it upon walking in. Michael did not come home that night. Leonard sat listening to that menu music all night waiting.

Michael did not answer any of Leonard's calls and eventually, after around his tenth call, Michael's phone had been turned off. He did not think to call any of Michael's friends as he just sat and waited, panic setting in slowly as the night wore on.

Michael finally walked through the front door the next afternoon, the movie menu still playing on the TV. He crept into the living room curiously, finding Leonard asleep on the couch. Michael frowned and pulled the blanket draped on the back of the couch over Leonard's sleeping frame. 

Leonard startled when he felt the blanket come over his shoulders. His eyes shot open and he looked to Michael and, after a few moments rubbing sleep from his eyes, he shot up and wrapped his arms around the taller man. Michael was confused and he hesitantly hugged him back. Leonard pulled away very soon after, taking Michael's face in his hands to look him over. His hands were soon removed and Michael turned away.

“Please,” Michael's voice was sad and broken, “please, do not touch me, Church.”

Leonard's face fell, “Caboo, baby, what's wrong?” He reached for him and was met with nothing a Michael moved away from him again.

Michael wrings his hands and still refused to look at Leonard. “I am not Allison, Church.”

Leonard made to reach for Michael again but his hand dropped. “Michael...” 

“I am not Allison but you love her. You do not love me,” Michael's voice was small and thick with tears. “Why don't you love me too, Church?”

Leonard was quiet for a long time, Michael's words sticking in his head and breaking his heart. Michael was speaking again before Leonard could even form a though, “Church, I want you love me too.” Michael sounded so broken as he spoke the words. Leonard wrapped his arms around his middle in an instant, burying his face into Michael's back.

“I got you flowers,” Leonard whispered into his back, a bit lamely. He didn't know what else to say, “They're on the table. I made mac and cheese, your favorite, it's in the fridge.”

Michael was confused. Leonard never bought him gifts or hugged him so tightly. He never made Michael's favorite food or watched his favorite movie unless Michael begged. Michael was absolutely delighted that Leonard had done all of that for him, but he was still confused.

“I don't understand...”

Leonard sighed and turned him around, looking up into those big brown eyes that still reminded him of Allison, but were becoming Michael's alone, because if he looked close enough they were different. He grabbed onto the lightly freckled cheeks and pulled him down enough that their foreheads touched.

“Michael, I do love you. God, do I love you,” Leonard gave him a light kiss, deciding to save the explanation for later, unless prompted. “Now, let's watch that stupid movie of yours, ok?”

Michael's entire face lit up, despite the remnants of tears on his cheeks. His entire world was brighter and he picked Leonard up in a bone crushing hug, spinning him around.

“Oh, Church, I love you too!” Leonard laughed despite being crushed a bit. Once Michael put him back on the ground Leonard pulled him down for another kiss with the man he hadn't meant to fall in love with. He kissed him over and over again, reveling in the fact that Michael's kisses weren't like Allison's and that Michael hugged him a little too tightly or that sometimes he accidentally bit his lip during a kiss. That Michael loved pet names and to cuddle for a little too long before cleaning up after sex. That Michael was not Allison.

Leonard knew it would take some time for things to be fixed between Michael and himself, along with their friends, who Michael had told all about the situation. He knew it would take extra effort from himself to avoid calling Michael by her name, but for now they were happy, Michael was happy, and that's all Leonard needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I think the ending is happy, but I can't tell. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little thing.


End file.
